What started as a bout of food pickiness has blossomed into full-fledged, involuntary anorexia. I can’t even refer to this as nausea or morning sickness–it’s some other beast altogether. I googled “pregnancy no appetite” today and found a few message boards with women complained of feeling the way I do to a T, and apparently feeling just the way I feel seems really rare but obviously not unheard of. (Thank goodness for the interwebs.) I drink Gatorade, eat Saltines, sometimes managing a piece of fruit like a tangelo or a banana when I have them on hand–and then sometime in the afternoon or early evening (when my stomach is really starting to growl–because I’m starving throughout this whole thing) I work up the energy to try an actual meal. About four or five bites in, my stomach shuts down and I can’t lift the fork without feeling light headed. I just stare helplessly at my meal, teetering on the edge of despair as I try to convince myself that if I just give myself a few minutes I’ll be able to eat more.
Uh uh.
It’s not going to happen.
I was supper giddy tonight as I’d convinced Justin to take me to Olive Garden for dinner. I’d promised not to whine about feeling sick or icky or grumpy for the rest of the day if we went out, and he went for the bait. (Hmm–I wonder if my whining is really as bad as it would then appear to be.) I should have known better! One breadstick and half of my minestrone soup later and I was down and out for the count. I ate half a bite of the manicotti as a token gesture, but it was futile.
I miss my appetite so much.
I want to write it longing letters and send it adorabe little “I miss you!” Hallmark Fresh Ink cards. I love food so much and sure, that’s always made dieting hard when the time came (like right before our wedding), but is there anything really wrong with that?
Now I’ve lost 6 pounds in two weeks and I’m at my wits end. I don’t care if it’s making me skinny just in time for my stomach to explode over the waistband of my jeans! I don’t care if my love handles are disappearing! I just want to enjoy my damn manicotti!
Even now, my stomach is emitting epic, echoing rumbles. Another Saltine it is, then.
(8 weeks down, ~32 to go.)
